Might as well

Balance

I rather be happy doing my own things then doing favour for people but end up being unhappy . As much as I am a people person, I do have my own time and space where I would like to do my own things with my own pace and space. If anything goes wrong, there’s only myself to blame and I must admit, I have learned to get to know myself and be forgiving etc. Thus the issue of doing my own things without being continuously dependent on other people does not occur.    But if it incurs other people, then the thing becomes more complex. It takes a 1001 reasons (if we allow it) to justify why a person act/reacted the way he or she did. LOL. Then it drags on. The 1001 gives you more headache than the issue itself. The same thing when you feel you’re too ‘tied up’ with a person be it your colleague, house mate etc, causing you to lose  your own space and time. So prioritize. The same thing applies when you’re working or simply doing other random things.

I rather be happy with 1 or few selves than be unhappy with a bunch of friends who I thought could make me happy. I will end up bragging how unhappy I am than living the moment. It will not be worth a single second of my time because some people are selfish only to think of themselves and not other people. So is it worth it to be unhappy because of this selfish people ? I say NO.

If making yourself happy is first, then by all respect, the choice is yours.  Do all it takes. This life is short and you have to work your craft to make the best out of it. Do not leave  it to other people to decide what happiness means for you. You decide. You plan. You commit.You entrust yourself that life would be fair IF you are fair to it. So, balance.

Cowards who double-standardize their friends

Cowards find it hard to be sincere, even to themselves. They may have the intention to be sincere but due to ‘external’ circumstances, they chose to be a different person, treating their friends normally, and a certain group of friends in other ways. With this group, for example, the coward can act neutrally, and with another group,or selected individuals, that person just can’t but treat them with less enthusiast, sincerity and openness.

Let’s not be a sissy. I am referring to both the cowards, as well as OUR selves. The coward being a sissy because he does not dare be himself in front of others. There are certain image that has to be ‘conformed’, and if he doesn’t he may lose the game. As for the observer, meaning us, we can’t be a sissy either. We don’t choose to be immature just because we were not treated fairly. Maybe that coward does have some reason why he is double-standardizing.

But nevertheless, any acts which dampens the spirit and sincerity of friendship, will at the end of the day, dampen the friendship as a whole. There is no joy  and happiness in that friendship. So why call it friendship? Think twice when you double-standardize your friends. Would you like the same treatment to be given to you? Would you like to have a stamp on your face which filters you out just because you have been labeled that way..?

We may have our own personal interest. Our own issues going on that we are entitled and responsible to ‘protect’. But be a man. (even to the ladies). Be a man, be sincere and just be yourself. There’s nothing to lose when you be yourself. But surely there are lots more that you will lose now and in the future by choosing to pretend. Amen. And goodbye. Look for friends who deserve you. You are worthy no matter how people judge or label you. Respect and honour yourself with this. You deserve it.

Bow Like a San

You know what I just realized..?  The more we’re humble and nice to some people who think they’re superior than us,better watch out. You might get your head stepped on. You’ve done the possible best to be of useful, everything goes well, and when that person thinks you’re not good enough despite your sincerity and ability, close case.Finito. Move on. *stunned* Are there are no better ways to end something, officially? A company with who does not need the service or help of any employees will terminate the person’s duration, of course, with prior notice. What if that employee was not informed? The workers whispering.. and uhmm..at the same time another person congratulates you telling you that you’re staying for another term.. humm..which 1 to believe.. ? should I clear my desk and just go..? or ask my superior if I’m among the lucky ones to stay. At the same time I do not want to sound too desperate. But again, the official announcement and list of who gets to stay have been announced..and you got to know from another person, indirectly, that your name is not in. Go figure.

How could a company of such scale have that ‘courtesy’ not tell you officially, write a memo, call or something to tell you OFFICIALLY that you’re not in. What’s so difficult about that? It would have made my life easier if somebody with a decent PR could announce the decision to me sincerely. But this, none ! I am not frustrated that I’m not selected. Life is far greater and much more appreciable than this situation and ‘dilemma’ which I’ve been facing the past 2 months. It became a major internal conflict. It became a guess game which I hate to bits. I am and certainly won’t be frustrated with the news, but what killed me was that no one from that company approached to break or announce that news to me officially when in fact some of my colleagues who are also leaving have been emailed by the ‘HR’. And me..?

The world is not about me, I am clearly aware of that dear friends.But gosh, where’s the courtesy, where’s the decency ..and most importantly where’s the sincerity..? And these people who are involved are people that I know, not some strangers. I wanted to maintain the ‘professional’ relation by not bugging them all time to ask if I’m staying or not. I did ask once, no answer. So i thought, I would wait. Wait punya wait until the announcement date, nothing. Did they forget me? or are they just keeping silent? Whatever it is, i just think they were not being professional.

Back to the title..Bow like a San.  San is the most neutral and famous title in the Japanese culture and can be used in most situation. Bow like a Japanese. Bow to your peers to show MUTUAL respect and not the other way round. Bow to your subordinates and superior and ensure that you get a bow back. You know I mean it literally right. Respect. I think it is an important aspect of our daily lives as we should at all times respect others, professionally, personally and socially. There should not be an inch of tolerance towards double standards irregardless how that person may or may not be useful to you. Start it today.Start it with yourself.

I was just touched because this issue came from people whom I ‘used’ to know. Even if I did not know them from before, I would still be touched. Internally I am stable. Just the outer crust of my feelings is a bit cracked and will heal by time. Lesson to be learn, Bow like a San but make sure nobody steps over your head. Not even your shadow. Oh no, don’t you dare.

Bow Like a San

How I (try to) Deal with the know-it-all type

A few tips which I practice when dealing with a know-it-all. A know it all is generally a highly opinionated, arrogant, and believe that their knowledge is superior.  The purpose of this post  is not to undermine the know -it -all, but as a guidance for those who wishes to avoid from getting annoyed by this type of people/friends. These tips may or may not work depending on the strength of your personality and the attitude of the know-it-all. Do provide feedback after reading this post ! Thank you !

Know-it-all

KEEP THE CONVERSATION GENERAL

• Choose AND stick to a general topic, for conversation sake
• If you’re talking one to one, its safe to keep the conversation short-medium. not too long!
• If the topic sides more to the know-it-all type (as in the know-it-all actually knows in-depth about the topic ), do give some allowance for them to talk, but not to the extent of encouraging them to brag of what they know
• You might want to know that some of the know-it-all can be highly insecure people, thus allowing (to a certain extent)  them to talk)shows them that they have nothing to lose

AVOID ASKING COMPREHENSIVE QUESTIONS  (unless you have to)

• Sometimes its our own fault, we ask too much !
• Ask specific questions using really selective words as to not ‘generalize’ the question. Instead of ‘Do you know when was the fall of the Berlin Wall?’, use this ‘When exactly did the Berlin Wall fell?’ along your conversation (in this case these 2 people are discussing about the collapse of East German)
• Using ‘Do you know’ sounds just right/ethical , but I personally think if you use it repeatedly, you put yourself in a sort-of lower reliability in terms of who knows deeper on certain issues
• Depth of knowledge is, thus, important. Do increase your general knowledge and do bother to dig up on the issues/topics which interest you
• Email is another option if you want your questions to be answered precisely. Communicate via email Save those unwanted extra chatting time !

 

 

NO NEED TO REPLY TO THE PERSON’S COMMENT/FEEDBACK TO YOUR STATEMENT (and vice versae)

• We don’t want to be rude to anybody, including those annoying ones
• Silence can be potent if used correctly. Not responding to the person’s comment, cuts off the chance for that person to brag on more of what he/she knows. Especially if the person’s comment/remarks are the really ‘inviting’ ones. Inviting statements invite people to respond, and that is exactly what a know-it-all wants, a chance to shine that limelight on him/herself and have that moment.
• If the know-it-all respond to your statement, just cut it off by keeping quiet (not responding)
• Appreciation remarks should be used carefully. Prizing a ‘thank you’ can both show appreciation and humility. But being too humble or too thankful is no good. So avoid ‘Thank you so much’ or ‘I really appreciate it’. You should know when people really deserve these kind of statements.
• Playing with words, especially words that signifies appreciation may ignite that sense of superiority to the know-it-all. So again, be careful.

BE BRAVE

• If the person is telling you more than you should know (if he/she is responding to your question), then remind that person not to do it again. Never cut off a person’s line. It’s rude and you might hurt that person’s feeling
• Don’t hesitate to end the conversation. remember, the shorter the conversation, the less risk you face from becoming a victim of the know-it-all
• A few good examples to end a conversation
  • I got to go
    
  • Have a wonderful week ahead
  • Have a nice day
• Avoid these
  • Talk to you soon
  • I wish we can talk/chat longer
  • I don’t have much time (it’ll sound to offensive a.k.a. rude)

AVOID THE PERSON

• Physically, its not a hard task to do. But we should not double-standard them , or anyone else for that matter
• If you’re depressed, this is the last person you want to meet
• If you’re using the online apps ; Twitter, FB, YM, MSN etc, you may want to filter/block or delete them from your list. It’ll save you from the unwanted mess and trouble.
• The point of blocking/deleting them is not that you don’t want to be friends with them,but a way to ease your senses from overflowing info. Come on, that’s why we have search engines and online news ! duh ! We don’t need the know-it-all type to feed u with unnecessary info all the time

 

GET YOUR FACTS CORRECT

• As mentioned earlier, there’s no harm broadening your knowledge
• Do read up, Google, keep up with the news and other going ons in your neighbourhood, state, country
• Revise on the issues which you’re unsure of its validity. Reliable sources is the key.
• Getting your facts correct serves as shield (or sword if you wish to) especially when confronting the know-it-all

 

 

BE HUMBLE

• Boasting and bragging can be a major turn off. Those who can’t brag about their wealth, may choose to brag on their knowledge.
• Keep to yourself, and stay low
• Speak when you need to , but never keep a silence too long
• If a person ask you a general question, you may want to ask the person if there is anything more specific that he or she wants to know. AND answer precisely to the questions.
• If you wish to explain further, have the courtesy to ask frankly whether your friend/listener wants to know more
• Know when to stop talking ; when your listener shows a decreasing/lack of interest

 

Other tips

• recognize that it is useless to argue with this type of person
• don’t take their behaviour personally
• acknowledge their competence and take time to hear them out
• maintain your sense of humour and go with the flow

How To Deal with Difficult People. (if you know of any!)

Dealing with difficult people in any situation can result in stress and frustration, and make it seem like getting things done is nearly impossible! Whether it is a tank, a whiner or the person who wants all the attention, or the sniper you can learn ways to deal with these people. This article will help you learn that YOU can be in control of your reactions by taking action and give you tips on how to bring out the best in yourself and others.

1. Brinkman and Kirschner identify 10 different behavior patterns often exhibited by people under pressure.The Steamroller (or Tank): Aggressive and angry. Victims can feel paralyzed, as though they’ve been flattened.The Sniper: The Sniper’s forte is sarcasm, rude remarks, and eye rolls. Victims look and feel foolish.

   The Know-It-All: Wielding great authority and knowledge, Know-it-all do have lots to offer, are generally competent, and can’t stand to be contradicted or corrected. But they will go out of their way to correct you.

   The Grenade: Grenades tend to explode into uncontrolled ranting that has little, if anything, to do with what has actually happened.

   The Think They Know It All: A cocksure attitude often fools people into believing their phony “facts.”

   The Yes Person: Someone who wants to please others so much that she never says no.

   The Maybe Person: Procrastinating, hoping to steer clear of choices that will hurt feelings, he avoids decisions, causing plenty of frustration along the way.

   The Blank Wall (or Nothing Person): This person offers only a blank stare, no verbal or nonverbal signals.

   The No Person: He spreads gloom, doom, and despair whenever any new ideas arise, or even when old ones are recycled. The No Person saps energy from a group in an amazingly short time.

   The Whiner: Whiners feel helpless most of the time and become overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all. They want things to be perfect, but nothing seems to go right. Whiners want to share their misery.

STEP 2 -The task orientated personalities will be your basic “whiners”, “no-people” and the “blank walls”. Their personality will be less aggressive and almost seem passive. On the other hand you will have your aggressive task oriented people like your “snippers”, “know it alls”, and “Steamroller” (“tanks”). Their personality says get behind me or feel my wrath. They choose to believe the rest of the team is slacking while they do all the work.Don’t get me wrong both these task oriented groups are there to get the job done. These are the people that will put extra effort to make sure the task is complete and will volunteer at the 11th hour to make sure the deadline is met. However, understanding how they work is dealing with effectively. They are the ones that will come in with the most to say and will want to do the most.They tend to want to get things done (the “tanks”, “snippers”, and “know it alls”) and get it done right (“whiners”, “no-people” and the “blank walls”).

STEP 3 – The opposite end there are the people oriented groups, they are your basic “yes-people” and “maybe people”, even a “blank wall” person can fall into this category. They want to get along with everybody, we are just one big happy family.Their goal is not to hurt anyone’s feelings, they will commit to projects and then not follow through. They’re excuse will be, “I just could not say no”, or “I really did not make a choice for or against it.” They live by the saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.

Most likely they are the ones suggesting the project potluck or meeting up for a celebration at the local happy-hour spot. They’re main focus is to survive and get along. Everything they do is with this goal in mind.

STEP 4 – The last of the people oriented group are the “they think they know it all”, “Grenade” and the “snipper”. They want to be appreciated for their contributions. However, should things not go the way a grenade think it should it will explode all over the place leaving feelings, and emotions everywhere to be cleaned up. the snipper on the other hand will go into hiding and begin to shot bullets (not real)from hiding. They will begin to talk negatively about the project to others but they will never come to you directly. Snippers are the ones in meeting mumbling the smart remarks to their neighbor but when confronted they deny it all.Hopefully you have seen yourself in these examples and types. Step one is to recognize where you stand in this and now we will talk about how to deal with them effectively.

STEP 5 – When dealing with someone you deem to be difficult, you want to first recognize the personality you are dealing with, next you want to ask some clarifying questions. The kinds of questions you want are open-ended, those to which there is more than a yes or no answer. They begin with what, how, where, who, when, and sometimes why—without an accusatory tone. A simple “Tell me more about…” can also serve the same purpose.

Once you have completed this step you want to back-track or say exactly what you heard them say. DO not put into your own words, say exactly the same words they said. This will help you get an understanding, it will also allow them to clarify themselves even more or change what they said without feeling badgered.

The next step in the process has to do with attitude. Search for and acknowledge that the other person’s intentions are positive. This means giving the person you are dealing with the benefit of the doubt. Brinkman and Kirschner advise, “Ask yourself what positive purpose might be behind a person’s communication or behavior and acknowledge it. If you are not sure about the positive intent, just make something up. Even if the intent you try to blend with isn’t true, you can still get a good response and create rapport.”

We’re not meant to be, bitch

It’s so uncool when the people who you regard as friends treat you like shit. There was one occasion, (pretty recent) when I joined a group of friends for lunch. I was invited to it, thus I only knew the people who invited me.And there was also another friend of mine (bitch) who got there  at the restaurant earlier. I didn’t know she was invited.  I didn’t expect her to be there. But anyways, I did not have (then) anything against her. She was as much as a friend like any other friends of mine. But what surprised me was that, when I saw her, she made NO indication of acknowledging my presence there. You know that kind of reaction you get when you instantly/automatically want to greet and say Hello! to a friend but have to quickly withdraw it when you see it coming. That you’re so-called friend is acting like a total bitch. I asked myself, ‘Do I deserve to be treated with a double-standard?’  Hell no. You gotta have some respect to yourself ! I must admit I am only sensitive and attentive when it involves behaviours which reveals the perception and attitude of one person to another (in this case, to me).  Any cue , IS a cue. So that bitchy signal she was giving me (by not acknowledging my presence with either  a smile, a hello or even an eye contact) says  that :

 

1. “I don’t give a damn about you”
2. “You’re not as important as my other friends I have here with me right now”
3. “Who the hell do you think you are? You think you’re of any significance to me? I don’t think so”
4. “Why are you here with ”my” friends, shouldn’t you be with “your” friends?
5. “I have the right not to speak with you because you’re on ‘my’ authority. I rule. You follow.”

 

The list above is what I  might get if I were to tap the person’s mind, the one double-standardizing me the other day.  There’s some degree of PRIDE and ARROGANCE in that person because she looked at me as an outsider, doesn’t welcome me (eventhough she doesn’t have any right to do so).

I was VERY offended with her move because  with other friends, she’ll act overtly friendly, nice, INTERESTED, and really knows her friends. Is it a trait in her to make people offended this way..? When we observe people, what do we look for?

 

-we look for what we have in common

-we look for how we can connect with the person

- we look for how that person can connect with us

- we try to identify the general personality trait of that person. this helps ease communication and associating with the person

- we look for the person’s positive aspects and attributes

- we might not want to do this, but at times,identify the  negative aspects of a person through his or her behaviour (this is a natural response attitude when we try to be defensive (protecting ourselves for our own sake))

 

When I say behaviour, I mean the actions of a person, the words which comes out of the person’s mouth, impressions, the person’s body languange which you can almost read, the cues, the eye contact, the type of smile that person gives to you. What you have in mind can be detected, if you know how to, easily.

Those negative bitchy signals are bad not only for me, but it leaves an enduring negative feeling towards that person. whom I’ve regarded as a respected person all this while. I hate to judge people, and i believe labels are only for jars! and not people ! Indeed, this bitch WAS a person I used to look up at. Not because of anything, but because I SAW her as a nice and friendly person, who is committed in what she does. I didn’t do anything to look for these traits. I just observe. It’s not difficult to observe people’s behaviour. What is difficult is that you KNOW, in the end, what you’re looking at. ‘What kind of person is this?’, ‘ How do I deal with this kind of people? ‘.

You know when you talk to a person who is known for being a big mouth, you really gotta thread those words coming out of your mouth carefully. You know you don’t wanna go overboard with unnecessary stories with that person. The same way in dealing with difficult people. You don’t wanna create any more tensions with them. You just wanna get a freakin’ peaceful life without having to DEAL directly or respond with these kind of people. It gives you the unwanted headache, the mess.. it won’t be a pretty sight !

 

Easier said than done. It is hard when you discover you have difficult people walking in and out of you life everyday. You might not know it, but you can be deemed as a difficult person yourself too by some of your friends ! I’m sharing an article from http://www.ehow.com in the next post. So do take a look at that yeah ! Mean time, let’s learn to get to know ourselves better ! Adios and have a good day people !

 

p.s. : I read that DEPRESSION is CONTAGIOUS ! Scary ain’t it ??!

 

thy IF saga by missjewelz

IF you allow shit in your life, shit will come to you..

IF you allow people to shit on you, they will definitely do it any time they have the chance to

IF you think you don’t deserve this life, this life don’t deserve you

IF you think you love your friends, trust them to love you back

IF you think only you yourself can allow happiness to come to you, then don’t depend on other people for it

IF the thought of  someone hurts you, you know whats best. Just bloody STOP thinking of that someone. (easier said than done)

IF that someone comes to haunt, intimidates and want to make you look like a fool, then let it be. That someone is haunting himself and making a fool out of himself (also easier said than done)

IF you love someone, show that person your love. We only live once and there’s nothing to lose

IF you’re bored and need to talk, just pick up the phone and dial your favourite number !

IF you don’t know you’re special, let me tell you, you are special in every single way. Other people might not know it. Their bad.

IF you think life is being unfair to you, remember that every cloud has a silver lining

IF you think you’re hungry, go eat lah !

IF you feel that you don’t deserve to befriend certain people,don’t bother to know what the consequences are for defriending them.

p.s. (defriend is actually a word ok!exists in the urban dictionary!)

IF you know that you’re deemed as a serious person, crack a stupid joke. Its good to laugh once in a while.

IF you think your life is getting uncontrollably hectic, do charity. Have lesser things (and sometimes people) in life so that you can focus and give attention to them

IF you think you’re running out of time, I totally agree with you

IF you sense that irritating bastard is coming back at you, don’t run away. Stand your guard and show that you’re no loser

IF you think your pride and ego is eating you, you should know that beneath it are a few hundred layers of worm and bugs who are eating you up slowly..even at this moment you’re reading this line. Get rid of them ! Dial P-E-S-T-C-O-N-T-R-O-L.

IF you love life and want to die peacefully, spread the love and stop making enemies. Though you can’t control and know who your real friends are, the least you can do is be nice to everyone.

If you know certain friends are backbiting you, and they’ve unintentionally stirred some distrust in you, you know its time to move on. You don’t deserve undeserving people. Not even for a split second

If you think you need a break, go get one. No one is stopping ya

Juliana Ali

me and Aileen. A really nice & sweet friend !

Friends

Don’t play with the Leo in me.

yeapp… i don’t know how typical are Leos.. but i do find that they, somehow, have dat tendency to be similar, in 1 way or another…. me, my dad, my uncle, a few cousins. we do not mind being independent. we walk our talk. at times we appear cool , calm… and that invisible raging fiery in us, its only for us to feel. we tend to be rather personal, having some difficulty in having trust in the people around us. we do not keep to ourselves tho, we love to share, we love people, and we love to see people happy. at the same time, not putting our own selves secondary. we look for sheer and pure happiness in the things we enjoy doing. eat, read, sports,laugh, anything…with the people we love!

a family friend once joked about my dad… ‘if there was a Nobel Prize for patience, you(my dad) might have won it!’ my dad is a patient person, tho there is a side of him which is only engaged at certain times. they’re called the time my siblings or myself get into trouble!)

i’ve inherited most of my mum’s side of being a strict and sometimes ,hot tempered person. I would be to embarrass to share this with you this…but i was quite a character at school. i wasn’t afraid of the teachers in class. Its not a nice scene when some messes with me. (basically)

but somehow, as the years passed by, to the current moment i’m living in, somehow, my dad’s side of patience seems more dominant.. it took me sometimes to adapt to this.. ya know, tryna be that calm person tho inside its raging madly.. ?! so i am benefiting from it tho at times i do freak out !

‘ur out of control’ a friend once said.. well , he said that because i was eating too much.. (or maybe for some other reasons !). well, i do admit that there are some pros and cons to certain types of personality traits that you inherit or develop as you age/grow. but what is more vital here is that you actually learn and appreciate from having these traits dominant and expressing itself in you.

having ‘em traits balanced is as important. its nice to have a little bit of everything rather than too much of a something.

but when somebody touches your sensitivity or poke that dying fire in you just to give em some spark.. (out of his/her own ignorance).. that person is actually playing with the Leo in me.(there goes the patience..?! nah….) Ii do not wanna hit back and level myself down..but at the same time i do get sicken by people who seems (or deemed) to not have a life.. so, let me tell you, do get a life!

the Leo in me is still here.. i am not nudging even an inch if people do wanna ‘play’ with Ms Leo ! I’m currently being(have always been) inspired by my dad, mum (a very very strong woman), and a few other people who consciously(i have to admit i do have problem spelling out this word!) or unconsciously have inspired me to be a better person. to me parentals, thank you, and I love you more. to friends who have watched me grow from a 1997 Julie to a 2009 Julie, I thank you too. Its a bless that I’ve met many many people in my life. Looking forward to meet many more !

I envy my dad for his patience.. and my mum for her strong personality. by having a bit of both comforts me.I do not need people to judge or label me. I am what I am. but I am always open for friendly advice, the same way I feel obliged to share with all of you reading, the pieces and bits that I’ve picked up along this short life of mine.

In case you’re wondering what on earth caused me to write this note (that IF you even care to know why.. ), ..well, there are 2 reasons…

reason number 1 : a reporter who interviewed me before said to me ‘i was expecting you to come in first!’. he was referring to a race which Recently took part in. and he said, ‘o, you must be saving up for the 2nd and 3rd race’…

conclusion : tercabar.challenged.(but i tried to take him neutrally lah.it wasnt his fault.) it took sometimes for me to explain to him that to me, its not about winning this time. its about molding that discipline and patience as part of the training process before I hit that high note.. if we have the patience, discipline and determination in what we do, i think, personally, we can improve and excel. i do not believe in rushing to excellence, achievements and errmm..popularity/publicit

y.. Speed versus Quality.. i go for the latter.. at the same time i do not want to be left behind also. so there has to be a balance to everything. I have to plan that balance. If i fail to plan, than im basically planning to fail. as simple as dat..

2. this one really triggered me… i saw this somewhere ….’..why do i meet guys who have crazy ex-es? doing this kinda shit…publishing that i ‘stole’ their bf over internet and stuff????I mean if the guy dont want you…move on…If u were so good along with him….nothing would even…pull both of u apart….
gawd…psycho! ‘

conclusion(to the writer): GET A LIFE MATE !!!

p.s. : i was deeply hurt and ‘hurt’ during Ironman Langkawi.. but i i’ve recovered, alhamdulillah and THANKS to all of my friends who have supported me. thank you … Only my knee haven’t tho !!! Dr. Tay here i come !!!!!!!

another quote which popped out of me brain : time is only running out when you tell yourself that you’re running out of time.. so people, just don’t bother..focus and enjoy the ride of life. i am .. how about you?

walking toward the sunset

me, my friends and my green top ! luvvit !

The Leo in me

This is, currently, the most sedated period of my life.  The barbiturates and diazepam were induced to me around a month ago, and have continued to lag me, decreasing my interest in some major aspects of my life. What used to be my top priority has been shifted to a few levels down. I’m the patient and the chief surgeon at the same time. and now I’m telling myself be and stay strong so that I could get a grip of myself back, yet the sedation continues to wear me down to the extent that I can’t bear it any longer. ‘Let it be’  is the status now ? (just like The Beatles ) No way ! But how long more can I handle my insensitive senses and guilty perceptions? Where is the lion in me? (yes im a leo).. Am I making any or enough effort to revive my soul back and also overcome the lethargic side-effect?

….I’m regaining some pulse back..there are signs telling me that I will make it through, no matter how long, no matter how hard. Living is not only about focusing on bad medical history or troubled pasts. Its also about looking forward to a better tomorrow. There is a cure, there should be  a therapeutic and soul-istic intervention. And this procedure will be led by chief surgeon Jewelz. She is doing her best to bring back the ‘lion’ in her, her soul and her life. It takes nearly 4-5 years to get a scroll in medical degree, so that you can practise to help the sick and another couple of years before you get to be a specialist.. But to get a PhD to learn and know yourself  may take a life time. You may now know  that whats best for you now will still be beneficial for you in the future, and you also dont know that the thing you hate most right now, is actually waiting and wishing that you change your mind because it is actually whats better and ideal for you. Humans are not God. we may dejavu but we can’t tell.

To err is human. Because all human make mistakes.  We have to forgive too yeah ! And we must not take err too hard to the extent we find it difficult even to think of a solution for the slightest of problem. But musn’t take it too easy  as well ! Besides on just relying on our rational brains, we have to take into account our  mind also, and on top of that our faith,belief and strength. Its never a one-sided victory if i do overcome an err/dilemma.  I can’t be rationally happy and yet in my heart and mind, things are not looking so pretty. Some of us do pretend that we’re satisfied with our life, thanks to the constant income and supportive families and friends, and that we don’t to really have to think outside the box to seek what’s really missing. Do you get what I’m trying to say here? Or am I whispering too softly ?

Ok, back to the sedation story. This patient will overcome the sedation because she has had more than enough being clueless ,hopeless and pointless throughout the surgery that she rather feelspain and hit back to reality than stay unconscious while the mess around her continues to grow.  She WILL wake up pretty soon, fights the side effects and come back pretty strong, optimistic and determined. Determined that she will be in control again after losing it the past 1-2 months. HAVE HOPE.

Before being discharged by the chief surgeon, she said ‘I thank you and your team  for the assistance, I really appreciate it, but I owe it to God that I’m still alive and for helping me find myself, and my courage.’.  Notet hat she said ‘owe it to God’ and not ‘also owe it’..  I think the patient has found her lion back anyways..well..end of story.

She sees hope

What’s your say on this? This is suppose to be an self-realization essay-journal of some sort, tho I’m not sure of the exact classification of this writing. Thank you for reading it to the last letter. I appreciate the time. And would be very  glad if you could respond to the post. God Bless you all .