How I (try to) Deal with the know-it-all type

A few tips which I practice when dealing with a know-it-all. A know it all is generally a highly opinionated, arrogant, and believe that their knowledge is superior.  The purpose of this post  is not to undermine the know -it -all, but as a guidance for those who wishes to avoid from getting annoyed by this type of people/friends. These tips may or may not work depending on the strength of your personality and the attitude of the know-it-all. Do provide feedback after reading this post ! Thank you !

Know-it-all

KEEP THE CONVERSATION GENERAL

• Choose AND stick to a general topic, for conversation sake
• If you’re talking one to one, its safe to keep the conversation short-medium. not too long!
• If the topic sides more to the know-it-all type (as in the know-it-all actually knows in-depth about the topic ), do give some allowance for them to talk, but not to the extent of encouraging them to brag of what they know
• You might want to know that some of the know-it-all can be highly insecure people, thus allowing (to a certain extent)  them to talk)shows them that they have nothing to lose

AVOID ASKING COMPREHENSIVE QUESTIONS  (unless you have to)

• Sometimes its our own fault, we ask too much !
• Ask specific questions using really selective words as to not ‘generalize’ the question. Instead of ‘Do you know when was the fall of the Berlin Wall?’, use this ‘When exactly did the Berlin Wall fell?’ along your conversation (in this case these 2 people are discussing about the collapse of East German)
• Using ‘Do you know’ sounds just right/ethical , but I personally think if you use it repeatedly, you put yourself in a sort-of lower reliability in terms of who knows deeper on certain issues
• Depth of knowledge is, thus, important. Do increase your general knowledge and do bother to dig up on the issues/topics which interest you
• Email is another option if you want your questions to be answered precisely. Communicate via email Save those unwanted extra chatting time !

 

 

NO NEED TO REPLY TO THE PERSON’S COMMENT/FEEDBACK TO YOUR STATEMENT (and vice versae)

• We don’t want to be rude to anybody, including those annoying ones
• Silence can be potent if used correctly. Not responding to the person’s comment, cuts off the chance for that person to brag on more of what he/she knows. Especially if the person’s comment/remarks are the really ‘inviting’ ones. Inviting statements invite people to respond, and that is exactly what a know-it-all wants, a chance to shine that limelight on him/herself and have that moment.
• If the know-it-all respond to your statement, just cut it off by keeping quiet (not responding)
• Appreciation remarks should be used carefully. Prizing a ‘thank you’ can both show appreciation and humility. But being too humble or too thankful is no good. So avoid ‘Thank you so much’ or ‘I really appreciate it’. You should know when people really deserve these kind of statements.
• Playing with words, especially words that signifies appreciation may ignite that sense of superiority to the know-it-all. So again, be careful.

BE BRAVE

• If the person is telling you more than you should know (if he/she is responding to your question), then remind that person not to do it again. Never cut off a person’s line. It’s rude and you might hurt that person’s feeling
• Don’t hesitate to end the conversation. remember, the shorter the conversation, the less risk you face from becoming a victim of the know-it-all
• A few good examples to end a conversation
  • I got to go
    
  • Have a wonderful week ahead
  • Have a nice day
• Avoid these
  • Talk to you soon
  • I wish we can talk/chat longer
  • I don’t have much time (it’ll sound to offensive a.k.a. rude)

AVOID THE PERSON

• Physically, its not a hard task to do. But we should not double-standard them , or anyone else for that matter
• If you’re depressed, this is the last person you want to meet
• If you’re using the online apps ; Twitter, FB, YM, MSN etc, you may want to filter/block or delete them from your list. It’ll save you from the unwanted mess and trouble.
• The point of blocking/deleting them is not that you don’t want to be friends with them,but a way to ease your senses from overflowing info. Come on, that’s why we have search engines and online news ! duh ! We don’t need the know-it-all type to feed u with unnecessary info all the time

 

GET YOUR FACTS CORRECT

• As mentioned earlier, there’s no harm broadening your knowledge
• Do read up, Google, keep up with the news and other going ons in your neighbourhood, state, country
• Revise on the issues which you’re unsure of its validity. Reliable sources is the key.
• Getting your facts correct serves as shield (or sword if you wish to) especially when confronting the know-it-all

 

 

BE HUMBLE

• Boasting and bragging can be a major turn off. Those who can’t brag about their wealth, may choose to brag on their knowledge.
• Keep to yourself, and stay low
• Speak when you need to , but never keep a silence too long
• If a person ask you a general question, you may want to ask the person if there is anything more specific that he or she wants to know. AND answer precisely to the questions.
• If you wish to explain further, have the courtesy to ask frankly whether your friend/listener wants to know more
• Know when to stop talking ; when your listener shows a decreasing/lack of interest

 

Other tips

• recognize that it is useless to argue with this type of person
• don’t take their behaviour personally
• acknowledge their competence and take time to hear them out
• maintain your sense of humour and go with the flow

The Last Interview with Princess Grace of Monaco (Grace Kelly) by Pierre Salinger

Here are 6 parts of the last interview with Grace Patricia Kelly (1929-1982) who later became the Princess Grace of Monaco.

Kelly became an actress in the 1950s, starring in such films as Rear Window, To Catch a Thief, High Society, and The Country Girl, for which she won the Academy Award for Best Actress. She retired from acting in 1956, at age 26, when she became “Her Serene Highness The Princess of Monaco” upon marrying Rainier III, Prince of Monaco. The couple later had three children: Caroline, Albert, and Stephanie. Kelly maintained dual American and Monegasque citizenship after her marriage.

Kelly died after being critically injured in a car accident with her daughter Stephanie in September 1982. The American Film Institute ranked her #13 amongst the Greatest Female Stars of All Time.

The interview was conducted for ABC’s program 20/20 less than 2 months before the former American film star’s death on the 14th September 1982.

I hope all of you who are interested in the life story of Grace Kelly, her life as a Princess in the Principality of Monaco, the differences between her life in America and Europe, as well as the legacy she leaves behind, will enjoy this interview video. Each of the 6 parts take around 10 minutes. Total viewing time is less than an hour.

I’m not an avid devotee of Grace Kelly, but I do appreciate the existence influential figures in the world, and this one is particularly interesting as she presents a hybrid between old Hollywood glamor and elegance and the historical European’s royal household ,The House Grimaldi.

Enjoy !

p.s. There are numerous other videos covering the biography of this unique and graceful personality. But mostly are in French. But watch this space aight ?!

How To Deal with Difficult People. (if you know of any!)

Dealing with difficult people in any situation can result in stress and frustration, and make it seem like getting things done is nearly impossible! Whether it is a tank, a whiner or the person who wants all the attention, or the sniper you can learn ways to deal with these people. This article will help you learn that YOU can be in control of your reactions by taking action and give you tips on how to bring out the best in yourself and others.

1. Brinkman and Kirschner identify 10 different behavior patterns often exhibited by people under pressure.The Steamroller (or Tank): Aggressive and angry. Victims can feel paralyzed, as though they’ve been flattened.The Sniper: The Sniper’s forte is sarcasm, rude remarks, and eye rolls. Victims look and feel foolish.

   The Know-It-All: Wielding great authority and knowledge, Know-it-all do have lots to offer, are generally competent, and can’t stand to be contradicted or corrected. But they will go out of their way to correct you.

   The Grenade: Grenades tend to explode into uncontrolled ranting that has little, if anything, to do with what has actually happened.

   The Think They Know It All: A cocksure attitude often fools people into believing their phony “facts.”

   The Yes Person: Someone who wants to please others so much that she never says no.

   The Maybe Person: Procrastinating, hoping to steer clear of choices that will hurt feelings, he avoids decisions, causing plenty of frustration along the way.

   The Blank Wall (or Nothing Person): This person offers only a blank stare, no verbal or nonverbal signals.

   The No Person: He spreads gloom, doom, and despair whenever any new ideas arise, or even when old ones are recycled. The No Person saps energy from a group in an amazingly short time.

   The Whiner: Whiners feel helpless most of the time and become overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all. They want things to be perfect, but nothing seems to go right. Whiners want to share their misery.

STEP 2 -The task orientated personalities will be your basic “whiners”, “no-people” and the “blank walls”. Their personality will be less aggressive and almost seem passive. On the other hand you will have your aggressive task oriented people like your “snippers”, “know it alls”, and “Steamroller” (“tanks”). Their personality says get behind me or feel my wrath. They choose to believe the rest of the team is slacking while they do all the work.Don’t get me wrong both these task oriented groups are there to get the job done. These are the people that will put extra effort to make sure the task is complete and will volunteer at the 11th hour to make sure the deadline is met. However, understanding how they work is dealing with effectively. They are the ones that will come in with the most to say and will want to do the most.They tend to want to get things done (the “tanks”, “snippers”, and “know it alls”) and get it done right (“whiners”, “no-people” and the “blank walls”).

STEP 3 – The opposite end there are the people oriented groups, they are your basic “yes-people” and “maybe people”, even a “blank wall” person can fall into this category. They want to get along with everybody, we are just one big happy family.Their goal is not to hurt anyone’s feelings, they will commit to projects and then not follow through. They’re excuse will be, “I just could not say no”, or “I really did not make a choice for or against it.” They live by the saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.

Most likely they are the ones suggesting the project potluck or meeting up for a celebration at the local happy-hour spot. They’re main focus is to survive and get along. Everything they do is with this goal in mind.

STEP 4 – The last of the people oriented group are the “they think they know it all”, “Grenade” and the “snipper”. They want to be appreciated for their contributions. However, should things not go the way a grenade think it should it will explode all over the place leaving feelings, and emotions everywhere to be cleaned up. the snipper on the other hand will go into hiding and begin to shot bullets (not real)from hiding. They will begin to talk negatively about the project to others but they will never come to you directly. Snippers are the ones in meeting mumbling the smart remarks to their neighbor but when confronted they deny it all.Hopefully you have seen yourself in these examples and types. Step one is to recognize where you stand in this and now we will talk about how to deal with them effectively.

STEP 5 – When dealing with someone you deem to be difficult, you want to first recognize the personality you are dealing with, next you want to ask some clarifying questions. The kinds of questions you want are open-ended, those to which there is more than a yes or no answer. They begin with what, how, where, who, when, and sometimes why—without an accusatory tone. A simple “Tell me more about…” can also serve the same purpose.

Once you have completed this step you want to back-track or say exactly what you heard them say. DO not put into your own words, say exactly the same words they said. This will help you get an understanding, it will also allow them to clarify themselves even more or change what they said without feeling badgered.

The next step in the process has to do with attitude. Search for and acknowledge that the other person’s intentions are positive. This means giving the person you are dealing with the benefit of the doubt. Brinkman and Kirschner advise, “Ask yourself what positive purpose might be behind a person’s communication or behavior and acknowledge it. If you are not sure about the positive intent, just make something up. Even if the intent you try to blend with isn’t true, you can still get a good response and create rapport.”

We’re not meant to be, bitch

It’s so uncool when the people who you regard as friends treat you like shit. There was one occasion, (pretty recent) when I joined a group of friends for lunch. I was invited to it, thus I only knew the people who invited me.And there was also another friend of mine (bitch) who got there  at the restaurant earlier. I didn’t know she was invited.  I didn’t expect her to be there. But anyways, I did not have (then) anything against her. She was as much as a friend like any other friends of mine. But what surprised me was that, when I saw her, she made NO indication of acknowledging my presence there. You know that kind of reaction you get when you instantly/automatically want to greet and say Hello! to a friend but have to quickly withdraw it when you see it coming. That you’re so-called friend is acting like a total bitch. I asked myself, ‘Do I deserve to be treated with a double-standard?’  Hell no. You gotta have some respect to yourself ! I must admit I am only sensitive and attentive when it involves behaviours which reveals the perception and attitude of one person to another (in this case, to me).  Any cue , IS a cue. So that bitchy signal she was giving me (by not acknowledging my presence with either  a smile, a hello or even an eye contact) says  that :

 

1. “I don’t give a damn about you”
2. “You’re not as important as my other friends I have here with me right now”
3. “Who the hell do you think you are? You think you’re of any significance to me? I don’t think so”
4. “Why are you here with ”my” friends, shouldn’t you be with “your” friends?
5. “I have the right not to speak with you because you’re on ‘my’ authority. I rule. You follow.”

 

The list above is what I  might get if I were to tap the person’s mind, the one double-standardizing me the other day.  There’s some degree of PRIDE and ARROGANCE in that person because she looked at me as an outsider, doesn’t welcome me (eventhough she doesn’t have any right to do so).

I was VERY offended with her move because  with other friends, she’ll act overtly friendly, nice, INTERESTED, and really knows her friends. Is it a trait in her to make people offended this way..? When we observe people, what do we look for?

 

-we look for what we have in common

-we look for how we can connect with the person

- we look for how that person can connect with us

- we try to identify the general personality trait of that person. this helps ease communication and associating with the person

- we look for the person’s positive aspects and attributes

- we might not want to do this, but at times,identify the  negative aspects of a person through his or her behaviour (this is a natural response attitude when we try to be defensive (protecting ourselves for our own sake))

 

When I say behaviour, I mean the actions of a person, the words which comes out of the person’s mouth, impressions, the person’s body languange which you can almost read, the cues, the eye contact, the type of smile that person gives to you. What you have in mind can be detected, if you know how to, easily.

Those negative bitchy signals are bad not only for me, but it leaves an enduring negative feeling towards that person. whom I’ve regarded as a respected person all this while. I hate to judge people, and i believe labels are only for jars! and not people ! Indeed, this bitch WAS a person I used to look up at. Not because of anything, but because I SAW her as a nice and friendly person, who is committed in what she does. I didn’t do anything to look for these traits. I just observe. It’s not difficult to observe people’s behaviour. What is difficult is that you KNOW, in the end, what you’re looking at. ‘What kind of person is this?’, ‘ How do I deal with this kind of people? ‘.

You know when you talk to a person who is known for being a big mouth, you really gotta thread those words coming out of your mouth carefully. You know you don’t wanna go overboard with unnecessary stories with that person. The same way in dealing with difficult people. You don’t wanna create any more tensions with them. You just wanna get a freakin’ peaceful life without having to DEAL directly or respond with these kind of people. It gives you the unwanted headache, the mess.. it won’t be a pretty sight !

 

Easier said than done. It is hard when you discover you have difficult people walking in and out of you life everyday. You might not know it, but you can be deemed as a difficult person yourself too by some of your friends ! I’m sharing an article from http://www.ehow.com in the next post. So do take a look at that yeah ! Mean time, let’s learn to get to know ourselves better ! Adios and have a good day people !

 

p.s. : I read that DEPRESSION is CONTAGIOUS ! Scary ain’t it ??!

 

Mercury and Marley

A big fan of Queen, Bob Marley and UB40. If there is 1 wish that I have to make, is that I was born before 1982 ! say 1977 in the UK ! So that I catch these bands and artists at their gigs. Unfortunately I was too young (or still dust) when these bands performed their greatest live gigs. And now that Freddie and Bob is dead, and that Deaky have retired and Ali quitting UB40 I (and all you Queen and UB40 lovers out there) can only enjoy their music by listening to their records and of course, there’s YouTube. Live Aid 1985, I was only 3. I’ve been to the UK at that age but .. I was 3. LOL. Uhmm.. And Bob, he died1981. a year b4 I was born. So even if I was born in 1980, i would still be too young to appreciate reggae. Uhmm.. But nevertheless there are other means of enjoying these great artists’ music tho it’s not going to be the same.. I don’t know but artists in the 21st century are somehow different in the way they capture their audience..(well generally).. Patti Austin, James Ingram, Albert Hammond( who sang It Never Rain in Southern California),Linda Rondstant , just to name a few, are among the 70s and 80s artists who I dig !! And let’s not forget Cher. Who else.. Just too many. I do appreciate and listen to the contemporary artists, but thy old ones produce enduringly more beautiful music. And let’s not forget the likes of Santana, Gregory Isaac, Gipsy Kings, Boney M and Jose Feliciano. Whatever it is, I heart good music and beautiful tunes. I hardly go to concerts , the last ones was in 1996 (Michael Jackson) and Ricky Martin(I can’t remember what year). To Freddie Mercury, Bob Marley, Michael Jackson and Gregory Isaac,and oh how could I forget James Brown, REST IN PEACE. Thank you for the good music.

thy IF saga by missjewelz

IF you allow shit in your life, shit will come to you..

IF you allow people to shit on you, they will definitely do it any time they have the chance to

IF you think you don’t deserve this life, this life don’t deserve you

IF you think you love your friends, trust them to love you back

IF you think only you yourself can allow happiness to come to you, then don’t depend on other people for it

IF the thought of  someone hurts you, you know whats best. Just bloody STOP thinking of that someone. (easier said than done)

IF that someone comes to haunt, intimidates and want to make you look like a fool, then let it be. That someone is haunting himself and making a fool out of himself (also easier said than done)

IF you love someone, show that person your love. We only live once and there’s nothing to lose

IF you’re bored and need to talk, just pick up the phone and dial your favourite number !

IF you don’t know you’re special, let me tell you, you are special in every single way. Other people might not know it. Their bad.

IF you think life is being unfair to you, remember that every cloud has a silver lining

IF you think you’re hungry, go eat lah !

IF you feel that you don’t deserve to befriend certain people,don’t bother to know what the consequences are for defriending them.

p.s. (defriend is actually a word ok!exists in the urban dictionary!)

IF you know that you’re deemed as a serious person, crack a stupid joke. Its good to laugh once in a while.

IF you think your life is getting uncontrollably hectic, do charity. Have lesser things (and sometimes people) in life so that you can focus and give attention to them

IF you think you’re running out of time, I totally agree with you

IF you sense that irritating bastard is coming back at you, don’t run away. Stand your guard and show that you’re no loser

IF you think your pride and ego is eating you, you should know that beneath it are a few hundred layers of worm and bugs who are eating you up slowly..even at this moment you’re reading this line. Get rid of them ! Dial P-E-S-T-C-O-N-T-R-O-L.

IF you love life and want to die peacefully, spread the love and stop making enemies. Though you can’t control and know who your real friends are, the least you can do is be nice to everyone.

If you know certain friends are backbiting you, and they’ve unintentionally stirred some distrust in you, you know its time to move on. You don’t deserve undeserving people. Not even for a split second

If you think you need a break, go get one. No one is stopping ya

Juliana Ali

me and Aileen. A really nice & sweet friend !

Friends